The Barmy and the Bird
by thetsunamifan
Summary: -ONESHOT- The cast of Kuroshitsuji II gather around a campfire one late night and share tales. Sebastian shares a story parodying Rapunzel in an attempt to tease his master.


**_~The barmy is the prince, who appears just a tad crazy to the other characters he crosses paths with. Bird is British slang for girl and represents _****_Rapunzel, but you could take it as either her or Ciel's demonic raven. Different characters will speak between different parts of the story.~_**

* * *

**Sebastian: **_There once lived a young girl who lived in a faraway tower with the enchantress, Gothel. The young girl, who went by the name of Rapunzel, lived out her life in a small room at the highest peak of the tower. She was constantly busied by her paintings and crafts. All was fine with Rapunzel, of course - there was nothing for the girl to fear. She lived in that tower with unquestioning obedience to Gothel's desires. The older woman came to visit her each day, requesting the child to let down her hair so that the maiden may climb. On her thirteenth year of being in the tower without a single step outside, young Rapunzel finally grows weary of spending each day the same. She becomes quite curious of the outside world..._

_And that is where our story begins._

* * *

"What... where am I? Damn..."

A young boy of no more than thirteen lie down on the grassy forest floor. A patch of sunlight bore down through the trees and down on the child, provoking him to shield his eyes with a hand. "And what am I wearing?" the boy added sourly as he sat up and looked over at patched sleeves and torn shorts with disgust, as well as worn-down shoes and dirtied stockings.

The boy stood up in order to better take in his barrings. Trees surrounded him on all sides, and unseen birds chirped joyously in favor of the sunny day. But the happy-go-lucky attitude did not lighten of the mood of this confused and lost child.

"Hey! You, there! Little boy!"

"What-"

He grunted as arms wrapped their way around the boy's neck. "What are you doing all dirty in this forest like this, shorty?" a light-spirited young voice spoke into his ear.

"Ugh... Prince Soma?" the child asked.

"What are you doing in those clothes?" Prince Soma asked, letting go of the boy to observe him better. "You are a prince, as I am! You should not be in rags!"

"I am not a prince," the boy retorted. "I am Ciel, head of Phantomhive!"

"No, I am pretty sure you are a prince... Oh well! Come with me, Ciel!"

"No, wait!" Ciel exclaimed as the prince took hold of his wrist and dragged him along. "...Let me go, you idiot! I don't want to go with you!"

"Sure you do, unless you wish to stay lost and helpless in this forest. You'll be much better off where I am taking you!"

Ciel scowled. "Surely you're joking."

Despite his reluctance, Ciel went along this sudden change of course in this strange place. Eventually the trees evened out before them to reveal a busy village. Young folk passing by carried baskets of food and water balanced atop their heads. On either side of the two young princes were wooden shacks and small farmland.

"Why did you take me here?!" Ciel yelled with utmost disgust.

"It's better than wandering aimlessly around the forest, isn't it, kid?"

"It's Ciel," Ciel muttered.

"Well, here we are, Ciel."

"And where exactly is 'here'?" When the child looked above him, a sold violet roof hovered many feet above. When Ciel looked back ahead, there were walls enclosing them into a widely-spaced room. "What is happening here?!"

"You don't see?" Prince Soma looked back to give the boy an inquisitive stare. "Why, we are inside of your palace, of course!"

"Well, this certainly isn't my mansion," Ciel mumbled curtly. A raucous cawing sounded as a black-feathered raven soared overhead; it perched directly upon the Phatomhive's shoulder.

"A raven?" Ciel said, blinking. Its beady eyes glowed eerily as it met Ciel's questioning stare.

"Yes, your raven of course," Prince Soma told him. "Sebastian, is it not?"

"Se... bastian...?"

"Obviously, Ciel. That is what you named him, after all!"

Ciel sighed angrily. "I'm in no mood for this!" he declared, turning on the prince and his khansama. "I wish to return to the manor at once and sip some of my tea."

" 'Manor'...?" Prince Soma repeated in his bewilderment. He then proceeded to laugh most hysterically. "My, my, Ciel... your head is in the clouds! Have you had a bit too much curry?"

"Ugh," Ciel grunted in disgust. "Don't mention that awful Indian food in my presence." He glanced down at the raven that had re-situated itself to stand on Ciel's wrist. "I want my butler back at once."

"I'm sorry, Ciel, but all I can conclude from this is you have recently woken from a very convincing dream." Prince Soma wrapped an arm around Ciel's neck and smiled down at him. "Not to worry... the time to search for the trapped dame has arrived!"

" 'Trapped dame', you say?" Ciel questioned. "What nonsense are you speaking?"

"No nonsense, for a young prince as yourself is only suitable for such a task! Ride your elegant horse into the forbidden forest, and rescue the legendary girl who is destined to fall in love with you!"

"Wha-?" Ciel stammered as sudden princely clothing appeared in replacement of his old, tattered peasant rags. A horse stood nickering before him now, a saddle all set atop it.

"Make us proud!" Prince Soma said as he lifted a reluctant Ciel up onto the saddle.

"Now wait just a moment!" Ciel protested. "I never said-" His own words were cut off by the uproarious neigh of the horse. After an encouraging slap from behind thanks to Prince Soma, it raced out of the palace and down the village.

"Goodbye, Ciel!" went the fading voice of the Indian prince. Before Ciel knew it, he and his royal steed had been enclosed by the eerie forest. What would come to face the pissed off prince?

* * *

**Ciel: **_I don't approve of this! Where did Sebastian go?!_

**Prince Soma: **_Calm yourself, my friend. It only gets better from here._

**Ciel: **_You call this better?! Sebastian, you're doing this just to tick me off, aren't you, you bastard?_

**Sebastian: ** _But sir, it's only a story._

**Elizabeth: ** _Come now, Ciel. I like this story so far!_

**Ciel: ** _Tch! ...Alright, then. Carry on, I suppose..._

* * *

The young prince known as Ciel Phantomhive carried on through the forest until he lost track of time. He stopped to rest in a small meadow and knew very well how lost he was.

"So hungry..." he mumbled. "There has to be something to eat in this goddamn place."

"Oi! The hell are you doing here?!"

Ciel gasped as the tip of a sword hardly missed his throat, and a blonde-haired boy with a steed of his own confronted Ciel with a sneering grin.

"Alois Trancy," Ciel named the child who nearly assaulted him.

"That is Prince Alois to you, my dear Prince Ciel," Alois declared as he sent his sword back to its sheath. "I have come to this forest today in search of the fair maiden."

"Is that so?" Ciel smirked at this. "That is my purpose here, as well."

"Well, you can't have her... Rapunzel is soon to be mine. If I must, I shall duel you for her hand and hair."

"So be it," Ciel agreed, suddenly setting his very mind on finding the legendary girl before the rival prince. "We shall duel to the death, then."

"I look forward to it." With that, Alois rode his horse past Ciel. "Farewell, Prince Ciel Phantomhive."

Ciel grinned once Alois had disappeared from sight. "I shall make myself responsible for your death. Farewell, indeed."

...

Ciel caught up with Alois at a swamp that spread out to the farthest ends of the forest. "Boo," Alois complained. "This won't be much fun."

"Hold your tongue," Ciel snapped. "If we must cross, then we shall do so. Or you could very well stay here..."

"Forget it," Alois replied, readying his horse for the mucky waters. "_Let's go already_!"

"As you wish," Ciel responded. The two young princes rode alongside each other as they progressed through this part of the forest. Alois gasped when a dark shadow revealed itself from behind a tree.

"Stop, stop!" Alois yelled out, bringing his steed to a sudden halt. "What the hell is that?"

"I'm not sure," Ciel replied, stopping his own horse as well.

The eyes of said creature opened to reveal the dazzling light of amber; long arms outstretched toward the children.

"It's a ghost!" Alois screamed before retreating back where they came.

"That's no ghost..." Ciel proclaimed, but still daringly rode past the unidentified beast. It called after him in imperceptible words. Although footsteps sounded behind him, Ciel drove them out of his mind and focused on the path ahead.

* * *

**Alois: **_This is bor-ring! And why must I be displayed as the coward?_

**Ciel: ** _Oh, shut up. The story has not yet finished._

**Alois: ** _This plot is horrible. And where is the action?! Pick it up, Sebastian!_

**Ciel: ** _Patience is a virtue, you know..._

* * *

The trees surrounding the swampland cleared out to expose a field of flowers and, farther on, a tower in the distance. _This is it, _Ciel thought as he rode on in fear of the beast pursuing him, _That's the tower holding the maiden._

"There it is!" Ciel's eyes widened in his disbelief as Alois appeared just behind him and carried on to Ciel's side.

"How did you get here so quickly?" Ciel exclaimed, feeling more of irritation than surprise at the prince's reappearance.

"That dark fellow was after you, so I could easily pass him without the unwanted attention. So here we are again," Alois went on. "Just before the tower to which we shall duel for Rapunzel!"

"So it would seem," Ciel agreed solemnly.

It looked as if the figure from the swamps had stopped its chase; there was no sign of it anywhere within the princes' range of sight. And so they continued on in decided silence, eyes locked on the sinister tower that approached with each horse's step. In no time the tower loomed ahead, the single window far above warmed by the day's sunlight.

"We've finally made it," Alois breathed. "Shall we begin our duel?"

"Wait a moment," Ciel said suddenly. "What is that noise...?" A low growling was followed by the appearance of a familiar demon hound. "Pluto?!"

"What...?! You know this thing?" Alois screamed. Following his words came the beat that had been pursuing them not a moment ago. Outside of the foggy swamp and now in the light, its figure was clear. "Claude!"

"I, as well as hell hound, are sworn to protect the girl, Rapunzel. Neither of you are permitted access inside. If you do not make your leave at once, you shall be killed."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere!" Alois retorted immediately, then rode his steed up to the very tower's brim. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your-"

His very words were cut off by a raucous howling; waves of fire emitted from Pluto's jaws and set the prince ablaze. Once the hound was through with him, Alois dropped from his horse and writhed on the ground, shrieking in agony.

"As I said," Claude continued, adjusting his glasses. "_No one_ is permitted access. Leave while you still can, Ciel Phantomhive."

"...No." Ciel drew his own sword from its sheath. "I've come this far, so I will not bow. I will have the fair maiden Rapunzel's hand, I swear it."

"So this is your death wish," Claude sneered. "Farewell, my naive prince."

The demon took its true form and lunged forth with the intent of finishing the child's life on the spot. His deathly hand was but a mere inch from Ciel's throat when a new figure appeared and threw the prince's attacker aside.

"Damn you-" Claude fell back and stood a few feet away. The new 'person' turned to face Ciel.

"Sebastian...?" Ciel whispered, blinking. This demon's eyes had the exact crimson red of the raven accompanying him not long ago.

"My lord," Sebastian replied, bowing respectfully to his master. "You have landed yourself into another particularly difficult situation. Once again, you require my assistance."

"And mine, too, of course!"

The intense vibrations of Grell's death scythe sounded from the sky, and the grim reaper came to the rescue. "I've been dying to work by your side again, Bassy. Now let us have a dance of Death!"

* * *

**Sebastian: **_Are you quite happy, Grell?_

**Grell: **_Eh he he... How enthralling!_

* * *

As the duo demon and reaper handled the demon and hell hound, prince Ciel Phantomhive approached the tower and rose his voice so Rapunzel might hear his calls.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the golden stair."

In turn, a flow of beautiful blonde hair fell from the window and down to where Ciel could reach and lock his fingers around the golden locks. He immediately took to climbing it, ultimately reaching the top and vanishing inside the tower room.

"L-Lizzy...?!"

Indeed, Lady Elizabeth stood before Ciel with an unyielding smile. "My prince... Oh, Ciel, I knew you'd come someday!"

"Don't worry, Lizzy," Ciel soothed the girl as he took her hand and went back for the window. "I'll get you out of here."

"Oh... leaving so soon?"

Ciel gasped at the new feminine voice. Paula walked from the darker shadows of the room.

"Gothel, this is my chance," Elizabeth protested. "Let me have this...!"

"Absolutely not, Rapunzel!" Paula sighed solemnly. "I'm so very disappointed in you, dear. Running away with a stranger... what have a told you about strange men?!"

"But look at his attire, Gothel! He is a prince through and through, can't you see?"

"It doesn't matter in the slightest! You are to never leave this tower... I thought I made that clear from the beginning, but apparently you are still the unrelenting brat you once were!"

Ciel's eyes became yet wider when Paula pulled a sword of her own from within her cloak and she ran for him. "I will save your hair from this boy's dirtied hands!"

The sword came down that very instant; Ciel's eye patch was sliced in two and revealed his contract mark to the ladies before him. Ciel fell back against the wall, gasping and placing a hand against the new cut marking his forehead.

"_Gothel, no_!" Elizabeth ran for his side, only to be shoved back by the dame Gothel, Paula. "Stop! This isn't what I want!"

"This is what you need, milady." The crazed woman placed a hand firmly against Ciel's collarbone and rose her sword for the final blow. "I'm sorry for this, Rapunzel, but it must be done."

"Nooo!"

Ciel closed his eyes, but the pain never came. He hesitantly opened one eye when the pressure was released from his collarbone; Sebastian stood grinning down at his master, the dead Gothel at his feet. Ciel looked past him to where Elizabeth stood, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Lizzy, it's all right," Ciel comforted the distressed girl. "Cease your crying."

"I-I just... didn't want you... to get hurt, Ciel," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry for all of this!"

"It's quite all right," Ciel said, smiling softly. "It's over now, so don't be upset."

Elizabeth managed a smile and hugged her fair knight. "Thank you, Ciel... thank you so much."

"In any case... Sebastian." Ciel turned to his butler. "Did you take care of the menaces?"

"Grell can hold them off for now, but let's make hast," Sebastian replied.

"Very well. Come, Lizzy... let's take our leave of this tower."

The prince and the princess left the grounds of the tower and sneaked past the guards just when they lost sight of Sebastian. Ciel looked up at the cry of a raven soaring overhead. Grinning, he took Rapunzel up upon his steed and made for the forest.

* * *

**Sebastian: ** _And so, in the end, Rapunzel and the prince found everlasting peace. The dame Gothel was slain, the princess was freed, and they indeed lived happily ever after... and that's the end._

...

**Alois: ** _Hold on, now! You never cleared up what happened with me._

**Baldroy: ** _-mutter- You were set on fire. The bloody hell do you think happened to ya?_

**Elizabeth: ** _Ciel, my darling prince... my hero!_

**Ciel: ** _-scowl- Damn you, Sebastian..._

**Lau: ** _-clap, clap- What an intriguing story. I do have my share of tales as well. Right, Ran-Mao?_

**Ran-Mao: ** _-nod, nod-_

**Ciel: **_-mutter- I could just imagine what you would dare share with us._

**Lau: ** _Hmm...? I can assure you, lord earl, my words are appropriate for all ears!_

**Ciel: ** _Hell, they are..._

**Sebastian: **_That aside, I do believe it's time for all of us to rest for the night. Off to your tents, all of you! We have a much too busy day ahead of us tomorrow._

_-complaints and conversation as the cast heads off to bed-_

**Sebastian: ** _-buttoning Ciel's nightgown- Is something the matter, my lord?_

**Ciel: **_-grin- Your story... I found it most compelling._

**Sebastian: ** _Is that so, sir?_

**Ciel: ** _Yes, quite. Especially that ending, where Elizabeth and I ride off together. Do tell me... were you intending on a fairy tale ending of that sort?_

**Sebastian: ** _Certainly. I only wish the best for my master._

**Ciel: ** _-scowl-_

**Sebastian: ** _-finishes- Do get some sleep now, sir. You should not have been up that late at all. -pulls covers over Ciel- Goodnight._

**Ciel: ** _-yawns- You can't fool me that easily, you devil._

**Sebastian: ** _I am afraid... I don't know what you are talking about. -grins- I am simply... one hell of a butler._


End file.
